(this blog is recorded on the full page: quick time player needed)
I didn’t begin with the idea that the fragments that came to me during a japa emersion day, now made into a poem, would be a continuation from my last blog, on “Identifying Our Self with Krishna,” but it has turned out that way. What I am exploring here, are my thoughts about what it means to be devotee of Krishna, why I chant the Hare Krishna mantra, and what I really want, in my heart of hearts—or at least, what I pray to obtain as a permanent condition. We are all a complex combination of many parts, which can sometimes compete for dominance, yet whoever I am as a human being is being changed by bhakti, albeit, very slowly. Still, it is nice to look at our most spiritual aspirations—not just officially, but truly—and really want to go there, and thus far beyond our materialistic qualities, like lust, anger, greed, enviousness, and all the rest. Looking at what we want to become, or our highest ideal, is like taking our spiritual pulse, because it gives us an idea of who were are, and will become. As Prabhupada taught us, through bhakti practices, we are in the bath of purification, scrubbing the dirt off our soul, and eventually, with the mercy of Guru and Krishna, our soul will awaken, and our material identity will be subservient to the needs of our soul.
(this blog is recorded on the full page: quick time player needed)
I didn’t begin with the idea that the fragments that came to me during a japa emersion day, now made into a poem, would be a continuation from my last blog, on “Identifying Our Self with Krishna,” but it has turned out that way. What I am exploring here, are my thoughts about what it means to be devotee of Krishna, why I chant the Hare Krishna mantra, and what I really want, in my heart of hearts—or at least, what I pray to obtain as a permanent condition. We are all a complex combination of many parts, which can sometimes compete for dominance, yet whoever I am as a human being is being changed by bhakti, albeit, very slowly. Still, it is nice to look at our most spiritual aspirations—not just officially, but truly—and really want to go there, and thus far beyond our materialistic qualities, like lust, anger, greed, enviousness, and all the rest. Looking at what we want to become, or our highest ideal, is like taking our spiritual pulse, because it gives us an idea of who were are, and will become. As Prabhupada taught us, through bhakti practices, we are in the bath of purification, scrubbing the dirt off our soul, and eventually, with the mercy of Guru and Krishna, our soul will awaken, and our material identity will be subservient to the needs of our soul.
1
64 round opportunity at Krishna Road Temple
chanting Hare Krishna with devotees for 6 hours
aspiring to offer each bead, representing each mantra
in concentrated devotion, without sleeping—
so between mantras and rounds
thinking even a nobody can glimpse the goal
I wrote down some prayers and daydreams:
to empty myself out of distractions
to let go other possibilities where I could be
of whatever may be unfavorable for chanting
wanting to totally give myself to Krishna—
if I only knew how, though I do what I can.
2
O Harinama, merciful form of Radha Krishna:
please bless me to be a real devotee
to completely accept you as my Lord,
dear-most friend and well-wisher,
realizing the rare gift of being a devotee
let me be grateful for every opportunity
to remember and serve you and devotees;
may my thoughts, feelings, decisions, actions
be those of a pure devotee, aligned with you
endeavoring always for your glory and the Path.
3
Let me go deeper, deeper, deeper,
touching my soul, let it be awakened
by chanting—not a means to an end—
no—this is reality, if I just truly hear
giving my concentration, in the moment
with feeling, petitioning you, Lord,
please let me be a devotee
accepting your mercy while sharing it
free from all selfishness, base qualities
the pure, awakened soul
may your will be done,
through me, within me, around me.
4
Casting off the weights of material attachments
so I can soar high in the sky of faith and love:
When will I chant the pure name
unable to stop, oblivious to time
transported beyond the busy mind
of accepting and rejecting unessential things
the petty concerns of living slow or high
mainly placating and protecting my ego,
distracted by other sounds, desires, pains
personality constructs, preferences, plans.
5
Can I have a breakthrough
going beyond merely the Name’s words
to the heart of the mantra?
I beat my chest, upset, despondent
wondering what will become of me,
like a riven cloud, neither here or there
my hands on my head
the room seems to spin.
6
O, Their luscious, lovely forms
Radha-Krishna with Their associates
radiating loving kindness extraordinaire
the fragrance and feel of cool prema
moving, enticing, uplifting, intoxicating;
staring into Their eyes brings tears—
How can such beauty exist?
7
Their smiles, enchanting, penetrating,
the core of my heart electrified
overwhelmed I lose consciousness
I awaken to Their concerned expressions
fanning me, lifting my head, they give
liquid nectar, smooth flowing ambrosia—
Am I dreaming?—But No—
I am really living!
8
Carried in the ocean of ecstasy
like seaweed with no control
diving and surfacing by love’s power
utterly delectable, desirable, overwhelmed
yet never satiated or obtaining too much
Shri Rupa describes it like
drinking hot sugarcane juice—
too hot to stand, too sweet to resist!
9
Remembering Shrila Bhaktivinoda Thakur:
When will that day be mine?
My offences to the Name ceasing
relishable taste to the Name increasing
tears flooding my eyes with separation
hairs standing on end at Krishna’s beauty
my voice, in bliss, cracking, faltering
lamenting my remaining worldly desires
wondering when they will seem irrelevant.
10
Let my soul’s natural condition shine
the humility of grass
forbearance of the tree
with no desire for honor
seeing the good in others
encouraging all to come to you—
on my own, the modes swallow me
forgive my unfavorable conditioning
without your mercy I am lost
it isn’t about my strength or ability
though let me give it my all, accepting
Your, and my gurus empowerment.
11
When will that day be mine?
The holy name illuminates me
lays bare my material attractions
countless species/ statuses of life
a president or bag lady, deva or bug
all forced to serve their senses
chewing already chewed repeatedly
so-called happiness and distress
but spiritually empty, ending in death.
12
On samsara’s un-merry-go-round
so many combinations of the modes—
when will I really learn?—
consequences of our actions and reactions
compared to the blessings of a Vaishnava
beginning our awakening toward God,
sometimes unknowingly opening the door
to spiritual freedom, lasting happiness.
13
When will that day be mine?
I will radiate divine love
a constant giver, without reservation
holding nothing back, like a river
progressing around or over obstacles
always feeling the goal, moving forward,
a container of Krishna’s love
serving all living beings
who come to her banks
no thought of who shouldn’t drink
I only carry life giving water
to nurture all, yet also secretly
containing Krishna’s foot dust
blessing all without discrimination
devotee’s desire to uplift all.
14
When will that day be mine?
Uplifted by desires to serve Radha-Krishna
I’ll be rightly, joyously situated
as a servant, of the servant, of the servant
meditating on Guru’s mercy
Shri Shri Gaura-Nitai’s embrace
freeing me from all ignorance
empowering me with bhakti-shakti
indiscriminately sharing prema like water
to parched souls in the desert
following my Guru’s footsteps
remembering Shri Chaitanya’s absorption
as Bhaktivinoda mediates on it.
15
When will that day be mine?
When Shri Radha’s servant
intervenes in my material life
extracting my covered soul for service?—
nothing remaining to give up
the only obstacles I feel
are only two eyes to see Krishna
only one mouth to sing His praises—
when will I only desire to improve
serving and pleasing my Lords
cheering and helping Their devotees?
16
When will that day be mine?
The youthful Divine Couple
always in the distance
sometimes catching a glimpse
identified as a “go-for” to fetch
necessary items for Their pleasure
as I carry out my joyful duties
consumed by loving remembrance
each step seeing Them everywhere,
deputed on missions of seva.
