Guillotine over my Head:
In my current daily reflection, I feel the guillotine over my head, and so this changes everything. I know it may sound ominous, but it is really a marvelous meditation. In other words if we had to sink or swim spiritually according to our present consciousness, how would we fare? My excuses or attachments just have no meaning…but, but, but….forget that, just what is. Who am I really, and what is my true self-interest? What is my absorption–and does it carry any spiritual currency? What is important, and what and who do I really care about? What moves me to get out of bed and live my day and breathe and see and interact with others? Material agendas seem pale. And naturally, as many teach, the NOW has supreme importance, even as I reflect on my past and how I have come to my current position. Everything is about my spiritual potential and praying my heart out to be who I must–for me and my gurus and Gauranga–but also so I can give the most and help others. “Shoulds” don’t matter, only what is, and what I aspire for in my heart of hearts.
Guillotine over my Head:
In my current daily reflection, I feel the guillotine over my head, and so this changes everything. I know it may sound ominous, but it is really a marvelous meditation. In other words if we had to sink or swim spiritually according to our present consciousness, how would we fare? My excuses or attachments just have no meaning…but, but, but….forget that, just what is. Who am I really, and what is my true self-interest? What is my absorption–and does it carry any spiritual currency? What is important, and what and who do I really care about? What moves me to get out of bed and live my day and breathe and see and interact with others? Material agendas seem pale. And naturally, as many teach, the NOW has supreme importance, even as I reflect on my past and how I have come to my current position. Everything is about my spiritual potential and praying my heart out to be who I must–for me and my gurus and Gauranga–but also so I can give the most and help others. “Shoulds” don’t matter, only what is, and what I aspire for in my heart of hearts.
Christian Radio:
I sometimes listen to Christian radio to stay awake when driving. I heard a song on Thursday, one line of which keeps going in my head, as it seems so relevant to me at this time: “Live life like there is no tomorrow; love like you are living on borrowed time.” So much is swirling in my head; so many memories and reflections; thoughts about the value of a life and making a contribution; and a big one, speaking my truth, or what I have understood from my life and spiritual practice–giving and sharing who I am in a way that is heartfelt and accessible with the power to touch the heart of others and kindle their own fire for living and spiritual practice. This is what I have been praying to be about, and now have the opportunity to expand upon.
I appreciate the opportunity to share it with you, and now I am taking this on the road through speaking. Writing comes easier for me than speaking. My journal writing, which I began in the ’80’s, opened the door of my personal psyche and the intensity of my being and heart that I never imagined existed beneath my placid usually calm demeanor. Until I began blogging, I have never been much of a thinker about life. My pattern growing up was to just go with the flow and not think or worry about anything, as I was mainly trying to survive a difficult upbringing. I still have that tendency, so it takes a concerted effort to be more outgoing and thoughtful. I also grew up never thinking of making a contribution, or giving or serving anything or anyone. And now, that is all I aspire for, even as I have the natural selfishness of having a self-centered false ego.
Thus it seems to me that life is a great opportunity to grow beyond one’s limited sphere of self-interest and increase in good qualities and giving to others the best that we are. Especially if we think of our time in our body as very limited, just maintaining our existence, or being petty and focused on personal enjoyment, seems very shallow and practically useless. We can only give what we are, so with our life energy we have to endeavor to be all we are capable of, knowing that by the grace of God and his devout, all things are possible. That is my theory. I am going to document my journey to move in that direction in all humility as I aspire to do the work of the soul in the world. My respects and blessing to you all!
Inspiring Prayers:
“My Lord Krsna, I pray that the swan of my mind may immediately sink down to the stems of the lotus feet of Your Lordship and be locked up in their network; otherwise at the time of my final breath, when my throat is choked up with cough, how will it be possible to think of You? In such a condition, Your holy name will not manifest on my tongue. If I leave my body then without remembering You, how will I attain You?” [Mukunda-mala-stotra 33] “O Ananta! O Hari! I have been drowning in this material ocean since time immemorial. I have been swimming and swimming, but I have not found the end of this great and fathomless material ocean. While drowning, I cried out in distress, “Help! Someone rescue me!”. At that time You came, and, as I understood Your lotus feet as the shore of this ocean, a seed of hope arose in my heart. O Hari, You are the most compassionate! In me You have certainly found the most appropriate recipient for Your mercy.” [Stotra-ratna]
More Verses:
My inspiration for this morning is the Shrimad Bhagavatam 7th Canto chapter 9, which are some of Prahlad’s prayers to Lord Nrisimhadeva….so many important verses and purports!
SB 7.9.41 — My dear Lord, You are always transcendentally situated on the other side of the river of death, but because of the reactions of our own activities, we are suffering on this side. Indeed, we have fallen into this river and are repeatedly suffering the pains of birth and death and eating horrible things. Now kindly look upon us — not only upon me but also upon all others who are suffering — and by Your causeless mercy and compassion, deliver us and maintain us.
SB 7.9.42 — O my Lord, O Supreme Personality of Godhead, original spiritual master of the entire world, what is the difficulty for You, who manage the affairs of the universe, in delivering the fallen souls engaged in Your devotional service? You are the friend of all suffering humanity, and for great personalities it is necessary to show mercy to the foolish. Therefore I think that You will show Your causeless mercy to persons like us, who engage in Your service.
SB 7.9.43 — O best of the great personalities, I am not at all afraid of material existence, for wherever I stay I am fully absorbed in thoughts of Your glories and activities. My concern is only for the fools and rascals who are making elaborate plans for material happiness and maintaining their families, societies and countries. I am simply concerned with love for them.
