Primal Scream, Spiritual Joy

Self decepton

Perhaps most poignantly and important in this story
of a son and mother estranged, yet reconciled at the end
is the fact that one’s conditioning needs to be understood
and we can’t make much progress if we deny or repress
our pain or resentment, anger, or unresolved issues
hiding behind the banner of spiritual advancement.


Self decepton

Perhaps most poignantly and important in this story
of a son and mother estranged, yet reconciled at the end
is the fact that one’s conditioning needs to be understood
and we can’t make much progress if we deny or repress
our pain or resentment, anger, or unresolved issues
hiding behind the banner of spiritual advancement.

_____________________________________________________
I
Material heart and soul heart
1
A strong theme through
my journey with my mom
in her last days and final death
is the duality of matter and spirit
or the contrasting, sometimes overlapping
needs of the human heart and soul’s heart.

2
If we are observant, or endeavoring to be
life’s so-called small details and events
have much to reveal to us—
this means to become awake and aware
to know that our Gurus and Gauranga
have provided all that we need to live and grow.

3
A conditioned soul to varying degrees
sleepwalks through life caught up
in the karmic drama of illusory desires
with self created duties made of mental prisons
often complained about, questioned, or struggled with
while “others”, Fate or God are blamed.
(questioning, “Why me, I’m a good person”.)
Trapped in a mental prison
4
The spiritual life prepares us for death
when all titles, wealth, and cherished possessions
are taken from us abruptly
while the body we devotedly served
with so much time, effort and money
to both preserve and enjoy—
becomes an embarrassing, miserable burden.

5
What was once expected enjoyment
turns into a painful abode at life’s end —
all becomes intolerable, lamentable, regrettable—
the former bodily palace and paraphernalia
becomes a confining cell, and we wonder how
we can live like this, while death seems a relief.

6
Many people become disgusted in adversities face
but tend to forget in time due to ignorance—
called in Sanskrit: smasana-vairagya, or
detachment in a cemetery or place of cremation—
which can only be avoided by spiritual knowledge
purification from material desires, and spiritual taste.

II
Ridges of mountains
1
Beautiful, powerful, yet harsh mountains
surround and inspire me
rising up from the desert floor
shaped by extremes of heat and cold
desolate, jagged, rocky layers of ridges
some closely visible, others snow and cloud caped.

2
The desert ground transformed
by the miracle of water
like a huge oasis in all directions
disguising dry sand as paradise
by palm trees and lovely flowers
roadrunners, ducks, and other birds flourish.

3
Inside the gated community
of well manicured lawns
regular garden, maintenance people
are always busy at work to keep order
while the residents golf, or walk their dogs
with no preparation for their inevitable death.
wasted time, missed ques
4
In this backdrop lived my mom
hating the desert and sun
fiercely opinionated, independent, critical
anti-social—yet loved by her friends because of it
slowly deteriorating, a litany of complaints
eventually not wanting to live, with death questionable.

5
Interestingly my mom lived
in a concrete island of sorts—
her fancy duplex and pool on either side—
surrounded by a triangle of asphalt roads
the other flat unoccupied for years
her “island” a fit metaphor for her life.
Dualities of the watered desert
6
Truly all the surroundings here
combined together speak volumes
of the beauty and false promises of matter
providing ample clues for thoughtful devotees
splendor, aesthetics, majesty, uplifting power
amid constant extremes, changes, death.
(of which people’s status and wealth can’t alter)

III
Self decepton
1
Perhaps most poignantly and important in this story
of a son and mother estranged, yet reconciled at the end
is the fact that one’s conditioning needs to be understood
and we can’t make much progress if we deny or repress
our pain or resentment, anger, or unresolved issues
hiding behind the banner of spiritual advancement.

2
As much as we want to escape from
or live in our material family eternally
we have to examine how our vision is clouded
by the pain or bliss of our family
rising to the spiritual platform honestly
exposing the temporary, embracing the eternal.

3
After many years of spiritual/emotional healing
I have uncovered and retired many unwanted conceptions
yet I’m surprised that in these final days
facing my mom’s death and our relationship
many issues resurfaced—again I was the abandoned child
searching for my mother’s approval, to be loved and understood.
We can't escape the Truth
4
Part of our healing and purification
is to share our struggles and successes
with confidential loving friends
so we can learn to be honest
authentic persons who don’t hide behind
a devotee façade, looking good, yet a pretender.

5
We must see matter’s naked form
both in the world, in other’s lives
and most importantly in our own—
which frankly is much harder to face
yet self honesty and being real with others
is essential for our spiritual progress.

6
Although our life must be carefully examined
evaluating it to learn its secrets to sever
the strong cords of love and hate that bind us
birth after birth to work reactions and relationships out—
ultimately physical process alone can’t free us
as the real solution is the spiritual blissful bhakti path.
Using our life properlyObtain the goal